I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
