Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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