just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
