her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
