I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
