my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
