Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
