I hate your face
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
