i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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