So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize