we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
