remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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