I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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