I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
