So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
