I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
