she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
