I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I could fuck to npr.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
