Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
