ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
