i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
