1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize