How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
