This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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