I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
