know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
