WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize