I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
