Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
