She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize