Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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