I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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