found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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