So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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