apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
