its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
