mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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