My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
