fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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