I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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