ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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