I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
