Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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