I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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