What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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