Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
