Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
