WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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