I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize