How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
two words: eviction party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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