dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My life is pants optional.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
