Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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