he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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