I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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