Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
