Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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