Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
