I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
