So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think a kid would responsible me up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
