New low: just hacked my moms facebook
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
