You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Where is the hickey?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
