Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
