Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
