Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
