Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
