apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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