He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize