Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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