just tell him i said nine months
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
