I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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