Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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