dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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