ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
