Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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