The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
