shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
