ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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