Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
