Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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